the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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