so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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