Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
