oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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