I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
