But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
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I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
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