another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
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