No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
