As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
