there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
