Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Randomize
