Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
