woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
