When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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