even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
