I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
