hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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