she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
