dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
