There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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