I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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