Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
