whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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