We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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