You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
