Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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