They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
