Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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