we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
