white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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