I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
