just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
