apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
