highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
