I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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