i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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