And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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