So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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