The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize