My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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