wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
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Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
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My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
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