I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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