i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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