Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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