Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
and she was petting her beer can
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
