If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
