I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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