how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
please come you make the beer taste better
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
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