We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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