lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
