My sheets look like a crime scene.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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