I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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