I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
