Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
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