Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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