whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Randomize
