His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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