you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
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