It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
