I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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