the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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