haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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