One girl and one boy is just not enough.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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